12 Things to Avoid in a Christmas Party

Whatever you do in a Christmas party, don't:

1. Take your ant. But do take your ankle. Ankles are more likely to enjoy parties than ants do. Ants mostly just criticize other ants' dresses. Ankles just laugh and have fun.

2. Expect gifts. Gifts are for tots. Expect checks or cash. That's what they should give grownups--if they know what Christmas means.

3. Forget to bring a banana. No, it's not about it being rich in potassium and vitamins and all that stuff. It's about using the skin when you want someone to "accidentally" slip on the floor because he or she looked degradingly at you.

4. Forget to bring raw egg. No, it's not about how rich it is in protein. You see, parties are bound to get wild and rowdy later--people jumping up and down, running here and there, rolling on the floor and ceiling. These are opportune times you can secretly throw a raw egg at your boss and he won't even notice, or know where it came from. ;)

5. Eat and run. People will surely take notice and make you the talk of the town. Rather eat and disappear, if you can--like dust in the wind.

6. Wear your best. It'll look like you're too desperate for parties. And parties are apt to ruin clothes from spilled drinks, food, cakes and ice creams, and balloon bursts. Wear your best raincoat instead.

7. Slip on the floor. With your weight, the floor might crack and the repair is gonna cost you a lot. And...what a waste of floor tile!

8. Drink too much. Remember, water is bad for alcoholics. Just take a sip or two of water and then load yourself up with liquor.

9. Drink and drive. You're not supposed to be driving your car while in a party, you know. 

10. Forget to bring your own chair. It's a sure winning tactic for Trip to Jerusalem.

11. Forget to bring tissue paper....in case you eat too much.

12. Miss greeting everyone Merry Christmas. Especially if you're the MC--you get it? MC for "Merry Christmas." And well, it's what it's all about. Although in my case, I greet people MC even in summer. 

And oh, there's a 13th rule in Christmas parties for the superstitious who fear anything that falls on the 13th....never believe what you read here. They're supposed to be jokes! ;)

All that Money Just for Gifts?

Where do we get the money we buy gifts with? I don't think it's just from our 13th month and bonuses. I really think we have money printing machines in each of our houses. Either that or some of us have antique magic chest boxes they inherited from our pre-Spanish ancestors, and which can produce money every time they're opened. Or, some of us have fire places where Santa drops sacks of money he got from banks and jewelry stores through underground tunnels he dug.

And not just gifts. Each Christmas you see people buying expensive Christmas lights they fill their houses with. They even put them on their fences and roofs and shrubberies and gates and dog houses---and sometimes on their dogs, too. Do you know how much they cost per yard or meter? And then their electric cost. And that's not enough, they have their houses re-painted and re-furnished and re-paired, if not re-constructed altogether. 

Not to mention the special costly food they have each meal, and that's from December 16 to January 1. Some have them till January 6. Then the outings--they go here and there to treat the whole family. And yes, add to this the super expensive firecrackers for New Year's. 

Mysterious spending spree. And all because of two reasons--it's Christ's supposed birthday, and the year is turning new. And because of these two reasons we pamper each other with gifts. Some insist Christmas should be observed the year round. Think what that would do to inflation. Every month bonus and 13th month?

One day I got bored with celebrations and just opted to stay home and read books. I read the bible. I found nothing about having to celebrate Jesus' birth. I found one on celebrating his death. Well, I also discovered that, if there's one thing needed to celebrate on Christ's birth, it's giving up everything we own and following Jesus all the way, imitating how simply he lived, getting his priorities, values, and mindset. We need to celebrate that---the whole year round.